Turn that frown upside down

"But here is what i from the patient point of view...... bad days will exist.... it will always be hard...... no one but you will ever take care of Audry the way you do...... Bad days are ok to have because those are the days that remind us not only why we are fighting but why we dont give up and why we dont stop at im tierd..... We fight We love We cry scream throw things it is ok.... whoever tells you any different smack the shit out of them..... because they are either lying or don;t truly have a f**king clue, I luv ya girl.... you can do this..... You are a damn good woman and mother.... and friend too......keep your head up....."-Kyrs Greenlee 


Today started out pretty rough. No idea what came over me but somewhere between the time I woke up and 11 o clock. I went into "breakdown mode". I havent been there in awhile. Yes, even supermom has breakdowns. I'm really over Miss Audry being sick. The secretions got the best of me to say the least. The looks I get when I take my daughter in for a "runny nose, and cough". If it was Emery I'd tell her to drink water and drive on. For those of you who don't know, let me explain. SMA has a nasty way of taking your every day "cold" and turning it into your worse nightmare. The kids not being able to cough up the mucous it sits there creating bacteria. It also has a tendency to move rather quickly to longs without intervention. We had an earache turn pnemonia in less than 24 hrs. [prior to dx]  Now that we have all this fancy equitment aka torture machines, boog hates, we can for the most part keep her well. By well I mean out of the hospital. When "colds" are prolonged I tend to get a little nuts. Today was that day. I know that I can't change her SMA it's here and its not going anywhere, however I think I'm allowed to hate it. Audry is a blessing, she is amazing, her SMA can lick my toe. In all reality most days are "normal" I may forget her age because she didnt hit her typical milestones, but she reminds me with her cognitive abilities. The girl is wicked smart. Audry being sick gets to me. Really hoping this blows over soon. While work is supportive I fear they may not be so supportive after awhile. I think staying home helps stir the pot. I'm a homebody but I need adult conversation. I start to go cookoo for cocoa puffs if I just hang around my girls.

So after sulking, paying bills, a few self pep talks, and a vanilla dr. pepper from sonic. Jessica came to my rescue! With her help I was able to take my bad attitude out on the master bedroom and Audry's room. She took her good mood out on my bathroom. I'm one of those people who gets moody when the house isn't right. Anyone who knows me knows my BIGGEST fault is laundry. It goes in the washer, the dryer, and then finds its way to my bedroom floor. All dirty clothes hang out on the bathroom floor. [Don't judge me, I'm a single mom!] I hate being in my room and only go in there to get dressed, and sleep. I'm proud to say that I'm sitting on my bed typing this as we speak. Not only did I clean the piss out of it but I also rearranged it and it looks F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S!


Audry of course did amazing today. A midst this awful cold, coughing, phlem nastiness. She is still smiling and her oxygen saturation is that of a normal healthy kiddo. She had a low grade temp and her heart rate was in the 120s. She smiled, she laughed, she slept. She even gave her emotional mommy some hugs. [but no kisses]  All in all when I started my day, I was on a downward path of destruction. I'm feeling alot better, more hopeful, but dog tired from the emotions today. [being depressed=exhausting in case you didn't know.] Tomorrow is a new day. Always thank God for the bad days because at least we woke up, right? ;)

"Embrace The Suck"